Ski party Sunday

Yesterday, Michael and I picked up Nannette and her daughter Alli to drive up to meet Allison in Wisconsin. We went to the Jelly Belly distribution center and took the tour, then went to Wilmot mountain for skiing. This was the best I've skiied ever - and it was only my third time skiing. I went down one black diamond slope and bit it. But no broken bones. After that I stayed on the green and blue slopes. Allison did great for her second time skiing. Her goal was not to cry so she way surpassed that goal.

Today, the governor of Illinois, Pat Quinn, will be signing a civil union act. It's still rather obnoxious in a separate and not quite equal kind of way, but at least it's a step forward. I want to find out more exactly what we have and don't have with a civil union related to marriage.

Annoying afternoon

Ugh! I went shopping at Kohls today. I ended up getting a great new suit! But oh my gosh I got so annoyed at the registers. First I was behind these guys who had like 13 coupons and 10 rebates and nothing was going through the computer right. So I switched lines. And of course my rebate had expired. I ended up spending more than I wanted, but dang it's a great suit. Can't wait to wear it on new years eve when I marry Amanda and Michele. Fun times!

Surrogacy update

So Michael and I went to Dr. Kaplan's office for a consultation on the surrogacy process. We have made two attempts with no success. There is one frozen embryo left and the question is what to do. It was interesting. Dr. Kaplan said that about 80% of the time the problem is with the egg. Since this donor has no track record, it may be better to go with a new donor who has had a positive resultant pregnancy. So I think Christmas day we will be going through the donor registries and finding possible new donors. Dr. Kaplan said he had no problems with he current surrogate- that her uterine lining seemed fine. I'm kinda glad about that because I like the surrogate.
Ok. My stop is approaching so need to jump off the L.

Wind in the Willows

One good thing about dating an actor is that you get more exposure to theater. Tonight we went to the City Lit production of Wind in the Willows. It was really cute. That's all.

Merry Xmas to me

So last night Michael took me on a surprise date. He picked me up at 5:30 and we drove out to Glen Ellyn. On the way he told me it was something I had never done before. I said I couldn't figure out what it was. I guessed midnight horseback riding but I knew that was wrong because we had to dress up. Michael said it wasn't that but it could be done on horseback. Of course my brain filled up with dirty thoughts on that one! We arrived at the McAninch performing arts center. He was taking me to see Nutcracker! What an absolute sweet guy. It's true- 38 years old and had never seen Nutcracker. I loved it. Now I want to see like the whole lavish production considering how good this one was.
Today is he seven month anniversary of our first date. Things are going good. I still think I may be a little overly affectionate for Michael's taste. Tough titties. We can slow down the making out in a couple years. TMI? Sorry.

Disappointing news

The implantation didn't work again! It totally sucks. I expected Michael to be more sad but he said he actually felt more angry than anything. But he didn't really know where the rational focus of his anger should be. The universe at large I guess. Now there is one egg left. The doctor gives it a one in four chance of taking. This exciting road is now just feeling cruel and futile. Why it didn't work, no one can say. And for Michael to come through this whole process empty-handed is hard to swallow. Oh, that one little egg that could....

We leave tomorrow for San Diego. This should be a fun trip. It is snowing today, so all the more reason to leave town :)

Michael wrote on my Facebook that he loves me so much. That means a lot to me because he's not so expressive. I'm glad he does.

It may be tomorrow

So I've started getting butterflies in my stomach and I'm not sure how long they are going to last. Tomorrow is when Michael gets the call informing him whether Shannon, his surrogate, is pregnant. I want so much for her to be pregnant. If you read Michael's blogs at all you would see how much this means to him. He really wants to be a dad. He has made a huge investment, financial and emotional, in this venture to have a child. The first attempt failed but he took heart in knowing there were spare embryos. So now two of the remaining three were put into Shannon. Unlike the first attempt, I was able to be in the room and watch it happen. It was amazing to see those two little embryos floating in a dish on the television monitor. Then, whoosh, they were sucked into a pipette, dropped into a bath, sucked back up again, and whoosh, up they went into Shannon!

It's been nice to see how Michael and I have evolved in our relationship. He's been making me feel more included in the process which I hope means he does feel that we are more together. I really like being with him - it's so easy. And tomorrow he says he isn't going to listen to the message until he gets done with work and comes to Rush to listen to the message. How exciting! And scary! God, I hope she is pregnant. I want us to celebrate tomorrow night and not mourn. Each embryo lost is so devastating. And there is only one in reserve. But it feels so much more right this time. My lease is up in March so we will be able to move in together and prepare for the baby with more time to spare. This would have been challenging had she gotten pregnant he first time. Plus, now I have met his parents and brother and feel like I know his family better and that they like me.

Michael has been writing affirmations in a journal to help encourage the cosmos to get that egg attached to that uterine wall. So, I will let this be my affirmation. I love Michael. I want him to be happy. I want us to be a team. I want this baby to be born. I want to see Michael hold the baby and I want to hold the baby too. I want us to work together to raise the baby into a gracious, intelligent, caring and motivated adult. I want us to be dads together and I believe we will do a good job doing that.

So tomorrow, I want to hear good news - news that there is a baby on the way.