So I've started getting butterflies in my stomach and I'm not sure how long they are going to last. Tomorrow is when Michael gets the call informing him whether Shannon, his surrogate, is pregnant. I want so much for her to be pregnant. If you read Michael's blogs at all you would see how much this means to him. He really wants to be a dad. He has made a huge investment, financial and emotional, in this venture to have a child. The first attempt failed but he took heart in knowing there were spare embryos. So now two of the remaining three were put into Shannon. Unlike the first attempt, I was able to be in the room and watch it happen. It was amazing to see those two little embryos floating in a dish on the television monitor. Then, whoosh, they were sucked into a pipette, dropped into a bath, sucked back up again, and whoosh, up they went into Shannon!
It's been nice to see how Michael and I have evolved in our relationship. He's been making me feel more included in the process which I hope means he does feel that we are more together. I really like being with him - it's so easy. And tomorrow he says he isn't going to listen to the message until he gets done with work and comes to Rush to listen to the message. How exciting! And scary! God, I hope she is pregnant. I want us to celebrate tomorrow night and not mourn. Each embryo lost is so devastating. And there is only one in reserve. But it feels so much more right this time. My lease is up in March so we will be able to move in together and prepare for the baby with more time to spare. This would have been challenging had she gotten pregnant he first time. Plus, now I have met his parents and brother and feel like I know his family better and that they like me.
Michael has been writing affirmations in a journal to help encourage the cosmos to get that egg attached to that uterine wall. So, I will let this be my affirmation. I love Michael. I want him to be happy. I want us to be a team. I want this baby to be born. I want to see Michael hold the baby and I want to hold the baby too. I want us to work together to raise the baby into a gracious, intelligent, caring and motivated adult. I want us to be dads together and I believe we will do a good job doing that.
So tomorrow, I want to hear good news - news that there is a baby on the way.
